Think Your Home is Safe? Think Again!

~~ John 3:16 (NASB) ~~  For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

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by Carley Cooper

Photo by Carley Cooper
July 2012 - All rights reserved

Picture this: you’re exhausted, the world is way too loud and demanding lately, and you finally arrive home.  Ahhhh.  Peace, comfort, and your own bed!  This describes the average multi-tasking busy person in our North American society. 

What if your Home was a Painful Place?

For some, home means being controlled, isolation, insults, depression, walking on egg shells; and often threats or horrible violence.  Church family can be vulnerable to snakes slithering in as well.  Even in God’s house the enemy can put himself in the midst of the worship, destroying relationships.  Lots of people have negative experiences with church, resulting in changing churches, or stop going completely. 

I used look forward to ‘Church Day’ all week long.  Three years ago I found a church that is unique, solid in the Word, and accepted me into their midst.  For the first time I was learning how to be part of a community and how to develop a relationship with Christ.  After a while there special friendships formed; one in particular stood out.  Then, I had some bad side effects from a new medication, which caused some problems.  The next thing I knew, my ‘solid’ friendship changed without warning.  He became someone I didn’t know and hurt me; leaving me to feel confused, alone, rejected, and judged.  Turning to others made things worse when I heard “Sounds like a pity party.”  My tears stopped in therapy when Doc said (while shaking a finger) “See, that’s proof that they don’t understand Bipolar Disorder.”  Others changed the nature of our friendships without discussing it; thinking I wouldn’t notice the subtle changes.  Doc said, “It’s blaming the victim.  You did nothing wrong.”  Behind closed doors, my friend said he misses me; yet won’t make a connection in public.

God does not Waste Anything; Ever. 

I’m left not knowing who or what is real.  I ran out of service crying on Sunday morning because looking at him, not seeing any compassion was just more than I could bear in that minute.  Doc says he is “taking up residence” in my mind, but “not paying any rent.”  The friend I was sitting with said it appeared I had a panic attack.  Maybe.  I’ve had them before.  I told God I was sorry for disappointing Him, and myself.  But, I am aware I am in this season for a purpose.

Nothing Compares to the Joy of Knowing Jesus.

After service on Sunday someone said ‘You have a very soft heart.’  It’s often gotten me in trouble.  I try showing him kindness at every opportunity because that’s what we are called to do, but my questions go unanswered.  Doc says that I am subconsciously relating this to the abuse in my past because control was taken from me.  Part of me concludes I have to live for me; ignore pain.  How do I do this in a manner that is godly toward others?  Going backward, now, is about as desirable as the other guy’s donuts after having Timmy’s, or settling for mediocre lover after having mind-blowing sex;  or worse, shopping for large sizes after living as a skinny person.  I’ve experienced all of these things.  The enemy says a hard heart will protect me.  It’s tempting.  But I’ve learned to love following Jesus.  Letting Him go would be even more painful.   

God will Always Answer Prayer.

I can’t help but wonder; why don’t our lessons stick the first time?  ‘Standing back’ I can see a repeat of certain lessons in a cycle that resembles the BPD cycles.  Are they related?  Probably; in part, anyway.  The enemy is distracting me and using my disorders to his advantage.  I prayed, again, for some enlightenment.  God sent me these messages:

• “Redemption can only come to those who are lost.”  ~Stuart Mclean on the Vinyl Cafe
• “As we learn to laugh more and cultivate our God-given sense of humor, patience and the ability to deal with the difficult relationships in life will flourish.” ~ Mary Sutherland
• “Be true to what God has put in your heart and don't look to the left or to the right.  Stay focused on what God says.”  ~Joel Osteen Ministries
• “Do you serve God or do you serve your feelings?  Believe the Word of God over and above your feelings.”  ~Joyce Meyer Ministries

You Will be Victorious!

In an abusive household, the goal is to stop it or escape.  Many abused women need help to get out safely (If you are in a violent situation and need some instruction; contact me and I will email you an ‘Escape to Safety’ plan.)  We are called to have a church family, to socialize and worship with like minded people (Hebrews 10:25 NIV).  Even Jesus went to church regularly (Luke 4:16 NIV).  I don’t want to be one to leave because I don’t have motivation to hold my ground until the darkness ends.  I’m tougher than that.  So are you!  I know I am a member of Christ’s body; and I can’t be a functioning, productive member if I cut myself off from that body (2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV).  The world is filled with churches full of flawed people.  It’s why Jesus came; to save us from our errors.  In church family the only danger is the enemy who has slithered in through a back door. 

Like my biological family, I love my church family even though they make me nuts sometimes.  I know it is where I’m called to be.  I got a very specific message from God one day, that said “God’s grace is enough to fix a friendship even when one of those hearts doesn’t know it needs to be changed.”  I know my heart needs changing.  It not easy to admit or submit to; but I am willing.  God’s grace will cover the rest.  This tells me I don’t need an escape plan; I need a pest control plan which is clearly laid out for me in God’s Word.  The season is difficult, but I’ve learned:

• if I don’t admit I’m lost and submit, I can’t be saved. 
• Friendships, like any other relationship worth having needs to be tested to see if it is real.  If not, I have to let it go.  It is not one I should have in my life anyway. 
• I have to stop relying on emotions, the disorders I have, other people and wanting to please them.  I have to follow Jesus.  He will show me who I am to befriend, confide in, and invite into my heart.  When the time is right, it will all make sense and be worth the journey.   

Let’s Pray

 ~~ Dear God ~~   Thank  you for the dark times, because without them I would not realize how beautiful the Light really is.  Jesus came and died for me so that I wouldn’t have to worry about following escape plans or pest control programs.  Please help me to let go of pain and trust that Jesus will never let me down.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

Now It’s Your Turn

Thoughts?  Questions?  Want to share your story?  Ask for prayer?  Please consider sharing here in the comments section; even if the link you clicked to get here was on another site.  (If you’re on the homepage, click on the post headline, and scroll down to find the comments section.)

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