Learn to Read Your Stars

~~ Isaiah 40:26 (NIV84) ~~  Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these?  He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name.  Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.

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by Carley Cooper

Picture: Babak Tafreshi / Barcroft Media

When life is gets hard it can feel like you are swallowed up by darkness.  No matter how hard you try, you just can’t see your hand in front of your face.  How are you supposed to know what to do, which way to go, how to handle things?  You’ve felt your way around in the dark, and you can’t locate a light anywhere. 

You know those times.  I know you do.  Me too.

On top of that everyone brushes you off like you’re just a pesky firefly saying things like “You’re cute to look at, but don’t come  near me, Bug.  I don’t want you biting or bothering me.” 

My Bipolar Disorder (BPD) is on a whirlwind roller coaster in the last couple weeks.  I’m having problems making enough time to do the writing, research, and study that I need to do; so my workload is feeling too big.  (Taking on too much is a typical BPD feature, in itself).  The topics that I’m currently writing about in my manuscript are bringing up issues that I thought were dead and buried.  An hurtful situation with a friend, that happened in February, is still not cleared up.  I’m feeling very alone and disoriented.   

“When it’s dark enough you can see the stars”  

I saw that quote, by an unknown author, float by on my Facebook Newsfeed.  I realized this darkness that I am caught in has some bright points, created from the things I am learning as a result. 

• The workload is forcing me to really prioritize my “To Do” list. 
• My current research and writing material is about abuse and mental health issues.  It means reliving bad memories; and learning more than I ever knew there was to learn.  My life and my health problems, from the time I was a child, is a whole new picture.  Pieces are falling into place and making sense like never before. 
• Abuse situations that I thought were over are still affecting me.  There was a meeting with my friend, who is in an authoritative position, two of his associates; and me.  I am thankful that they were trying to help me, but it caused a breakdown.  My doctor says I had a very typical reaction.  She said that if I had mentioned it, I would have been advised not to go.  She called it “Classic Transference” from an abuse survivor.  Apparently authority figures cause fear in me now.  I suddenly understood why I purposely chose the chair closest to the door just in case I needed a quick escape.  This same fear is why the situation has stalled for me.  His control, and lack of opportunity for me to tell my side of the story, has resurrected upsetting emotions.  I understand my feelings now, and that it is not my fault. 
• All this is made even bigger because of BPD.  There are medical reasons why I over react to situations.  Turns out, I really can’t help it!  Being aware of these facts doesn't minimize the size of my experience, but I understand it better.
• Why I see myself as alone is connected to Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD); a lifelong problem.  Doc said that I never learned community.  Again, it is worsened by the Bipolar Disorder because it is typical to have problems keeping relationships together.  So not only did I not learn how to do it, another force keeps me from getting there.  

Dawn will Arrive

No matter how dark it is where you are right now.  You can look up, and see the stars.  They are there, even if you are having a difficult time seeing them.  Some of my stars don’t look really bright at the moment, but I know that God never leaves us alone in the dark.  There is not one of our problems that He doesn’t know about.  He had the solutions all worked out and set in place before we ever knew there was a problem.  He put all those stars in the dark sky so that we could see how pretty they are; so we could be reminded that once the night is over, dawn breaks. 

Let's Pray

~~ Dear God ~~  Help me to always look for the stars in my dark sky, and never let me forget that dawn will happen very soon.  Thank You for always being there, for always turning my sorrows into stars.  Mostly thank You for the brightest Star of all; Your Son, Jesus who is leading us to blessings that come with the morning light, and to You.  In Jesus name, AMEN.

Now It's Your Turn
Thoughts?  Questions?  Want to share your story?  Ask for prayer?  Please share in the comments section.  (If you’re on the homepage, click on the post headline, and scroll down to find the comments section.) 

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